How to introduce dressing up into the bedroom

It takes time to find that one person you are absolutely comfortable around (both sexually and in your washed out T and baggy bottoms). So, once you’ve find them I bet you’d do anything to save the relationship when you feel it’s losing its initial spark.

Routine does help people stay mentally healthy and focused, replacing former feelings of anxiety for feelings of relaxed daily predictability.

Knowing you’ll be going to the movies with your partner on Saturday, that you’ll go grocery shopping on Friday and have amazing dinner in your favourite restaurant on Tuesday is great. But – knowing everything about your partner’s next move in bed is terrifying.

Make no mistake – while routine will bring you peace in life, it will – without a doubt – kill the sexual relationship thrill in its root.

When you feel you’ve hit the point of Ok-we’ll-watch-OITNB-and-then-we’ll-have-sex situation, it’s time to act and change things!

One of the best ways to bring back the initial spark in your relationship is with dress up game. Exploring your partner’s deepest fantasies or just getting in the role of his favourite “Magic Mike” character may be the start of this fun and exciting adventure!

How do I know if my partner is into it, anyway?

Talk to him. Base of all good relationships is healthy communication and if you can’t talk about it, there’s no point in trying to rekindle the passion, anyway. I’m sure he’ll be up for it, though. Who wouldn’t!

The easiest way in (pun intended!) is to talk about one another’s fantasies and then act out on them. We all have things that turn us on, so why not use them for good. The important thing though is to keep a sympathetic attitude toward whatever your partner reveals. Fantasies are a touchy-feely subject, so make sure you act cool. This way, you’ll help your partner feel safe around you and whatever the fantasy – you both want to be comfortable doing it.

We talked, he likes the idea. Now what?

Now that you know each other’s fantasies (make no mistake, fantasies are plenty and you probably know 1/3 of your partner’s now) you may find ways to make the experience erotic and arousing. Don’t be surprised to learn that a huge number of fantasies have dominant and submissive roles, and that’s okay. If your partner enjoys the idea of being forced by you in the privacy of your own home, that doesn’t mean he wants you to treat him bad after you both orgasm. Keep the fantasy alive in the bedroom, forget about it when dressed.

Also, when it comes to buying costumes – if you feel uncomfortable entering a store and asking for a particular costume, finding fancy dress costumes online solves it all!

Which one of us should dress up?

Either! Both! Just you! Just him! It’s all cool! The important thing is to understand that dressing up for sexual benefits isn’t a chore – it’s meant to be fun, pleasurable, interesting and exciting. If one of you doesn’t “know” how to do it then let the other one take the lead for starters. But, if in the long run you see that it is just one of you (you, possibly) who is dressing up then it may almost feel like your partner is less comfortable with it. Talking about it helps and, if things aren’t working out, drop the dress up game and save those costumes for next Halloween.

The point of role-playing is to have fun with it and spice things up – not force anyone to do something they do not want to do. Also, remember – role-playing means taking a huge step out of your comfort zone. This takes longer for some people.

by Peter Minkoff